Online dating is becoming more and more popular these days. It's an easy and convenient way to meet people when you have a busy schedule or if you're a homebody. I decided to try online dating towards the end of 2016. I never thought I'd actually do it because I was the person that would always say I want to meet someone while out and about and have the connection happen organically. I said I would never do online dating. The year 2016 was one of the best years of my life and I felt it wouldn't hurt to give it a try even if just to meet people. I had just moved to South Florida a year prior and I still hadn't made any solid friendships. So, I made an account on Plenty of Fish (PoF), Bumble, and Tinder to give myself a larger pool of people to choose from.
I must admit creating the profiles was tedious because they ask for a lot of information and I wanted to be as authentic as possible. Of course I didn't share any personal information but just the basics of who I am: a grad student (at the time), lover of music, vegetarian, chocolate addict etc. When I completed my profile I was amazed as to how many messages I was getting. I felt like a hot commodity! It was honestly quite overwhelming to weed out the weirdos but I must admit it felt nice to have so much attention. I ended up landing my very first online date with someone I met on Bumble. The guy was an accountant and seemed quite nice so I decided to meet up with him. That is after I went to my friend's house for her to do my makeup to help me look good for my very first date in 2 years! The date went really well at first. He wined and dined me at a very fancy rooftop restaurant in downtown Miami. But the date took a turn when he tried to make a move on me and I wasn't comfortable. He also got a bit ahead of himself and was already planning our life together! I was extremely uncomfortable and decided to call my Uber immediately. He was so angry with me and left as soon as I called for an Uber. He messaged me the next day to find out what happened and why I abruptly ended the date. I told him exactly why and we never spoke again. I've had quite a few guys plan our lives out on the first date. One guy in particular is a guy I really liked. We spoke on the phone for a couple weeks before meeting and had a great connection. I was really excited to meet him. We met at an ice cream parlor. When I pulled up we were on the phone and I told him I was standing in the parking lot. He told me he was too. I was looking around for a 6'4 chocolate man but no one was in sight. Then suddenly a man who appeared to be about 5'4 (I'm 5'9) approached me calling my name. I had to do a double take because his face was the same as the pictures online but there was no way that was the man I had been speaking to on the phone for a couple of weeks. Indeed it was. I was so upset about it and wasn't sure if I should stay or leave. I decided to stay because I felt bad deep down since I made him drive all the way from Miami to Fort Lauderdale to meet me. I should've left but hindsight is 20/20. He could tell I was upset and tried to explain himself but I wasn't trying to hear it. While eating our ice cream he took out a notebook of questions that he had for me along with a written plan of our future life together. After answering a couple of questions I thought it was best to cut the date short. He knew something was wrong and asked if I'd be open to a 2nd date. I declined and never spoke to him again.
Those are just a couple examples of strange experiences I had with online dating but I've also had some great ones. I met up with a guy I met on Tinder for dinner in downtown Fort Lauderdale and we connected instantly. At that point I had never connected with someone so fast. It felt like I'd known him for years. I knew I liked him from our phone conversations but in person it was even better. He felt it too and we decided to hang out for the rest of the night and go dancing. Our chemistry was impeccable. We ended up dating unofficially for about a year. A few months after that ended I met another guy on Tinder. We both expressed we were only looking for friendship and met up for dinner. We connected immediately. During our first encounter I could feel that he was going to be in my life for a while. We hung out several times after that and became really great friends for about a year before he asked me to be his girlfriend. I know some people are hesitant when it comes to online dating so I want to share some pros and cons from my own experience of using the dating apps for a year and a half.
Pros: As I mentioned earlier it gives you the opportunity to meet people from the comfort of your own home if you have a busy life or are just plain shy when it comes to meeting people in person. It's also a great learning experience. I was in a 6 year relationship and was single for 2 years before I tried online dating so I felt I had forgotten how to date. I was able to learn what I want from a man and what I would not tolerate. It's also a great boost to your ego when you see so many unread messages when you open the apps. I don't know about you, but at that time prior to the dating apps my phone was as dry as desert. So it felt good to be sought after. Also, you have the potential to make great connections with so many different types of people even if it only ends up as a friendship. I'm often questioned about safety when it comes to online dating but I don't see much of a difference from meeting up with someone who asked you on a date in a grocery store, night club, or mall. You have to use your judgment. Personally, I met up with so many men during my time on the apps and I never felt unsafe. I usually spoke on the phone with the men first for a few weeks or until I felt comfortable and trusted they weren't some psycho-killer. I always met up with them during the day in a public location like an ice cream parlor, sports bar, or a Starbucks. I also made sure to give my mom and close friends the details of who I was meeting up with along with the time and place. You must trust yourself and your gut when it comes to these things. If you feel that something isn't right, you have the right to block and delete. Trust me I've had to do that before.
Cons: Honestly, I don't really have many cons. The main thing is that there is always a possibility of getting catfished. But this can be avoided by calling or facetiming the person prior to deciding whether or not you want to meet up with the person. You have the power to decide what you feel is best for you. Another con is that it is easy to fall for someone quickly when chatting online especially if you've been single for awhile. People are usually on their best behavior on the apps and some are really charming. I've had this happen before. I was talking to someone on the app for a couple months before meeting up and I felt myself really starting to like him a lot. He was a fireman and super attractive. To my dismay, he wasn't who I thought he was when we finally did meet and I never spoke to him again. After that experience, I vowed not to wait too long before meeting up someone.
Online dating is what you make it. I know there is stigma when it comes to online dating especially when it comes to apps that are known for people to find hookups like Tinder. Trust me when I say some of the best connections I've made was on Tinder. If you are looking for a hook up you will find it. If you are looking for friendship you will find it. If you are looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend you will find him/her. I've learned that it all depends on how you present yourself. It starts with what you put on your profile from the pictures you post on your profile, the way you describe yourself in the about me section, and the way you chat with the people you meet. You have to be intentional about what you want and state what you are looking for within the first conversation. If you find that you and a person are looking for different things then perhaps that is not someone to give your time to. You have the power. You set the pace. You choose who you decide to give your time to just like in any other social situation. In case you couldn't tell I'm an advocate for online dating and I think it's worth a try. I believe it is beneficial and can help you find whatever kind of relationship you are looking for. It may take some time but it is definitely possible.
Have you ever tried online dating? What apps have you tried? Have you had any success?
I must admit creating the profiles was tedious because they ask for a lot of information and I wanted to be as authentic as possible. Of course I didn't share any personal information but just the basics of who I am: a grad student (at the time), lover of music, vegetarian, chocolate addict etc. When I completed my profile I was amazed as to how many messages I was getting. I felt like a hot commodity! It was honestly quite overwhelming to weed out the weirdos but I must admit it felt nice to have so much attention. I ended up landing my very first online date with someone I met on Bumble. The guy was an accountant and seemed quite nice so I decided to meet up with him. That is after I went to my friend's house for her to do my makeup to help me look good for my very first date in 2 years! The date went really well at first. He wined and dined me at a very fancy rooftop restaurant in downtown Miami. But the date took a turn when he tried to make a move on me and I wasn't comfortable. He also got a bit ahead of himself and was already planning our life together! I was extremely uncomfortable and decided to call my Uber immediately. He was so angry with me and left as soon as I called for an Uber. He messaged me the next day to find out what happened and why I abruptly ended the date. I told him exactly why and we never spoke again. I've had quite a few guys plan our lives out on the first date. One guy in particular is a guy I really liked. We spoke on the phone for a couple weeks before meeting and had a great connection. I was really excited to meet him. We met at an ice cream parlor. When I pulled up we were on the phone and I told him I was standing in the parking lot. He told me he was too. I was looking around for a 6'4 chocolate man but no one was in sight. Then suddenly a man who appeared to be about 5'4 (I'm 5'9) approached me calling my name. I had to do a double take because his face was the same as the pictures online but there was no way that was the man I had been speaking to on the phone for a couple of weeks. Indeed it was. I was so upset about it and wasn't sure if I should stay or leave. I decided to stay because I felt bad deep down since I made him drive all the way from Miami to Fort Lauderdale to meet me. I should've left but hindsight is 20/20. He could tell I was upset and tried to explain himself but I wasn't trying to hear it. While eating our ice cream he took out a notebook of questions that he had for me along with a written plan of our future life together. After answering a couple of questions I thought it was best to cut the date short. He knew something was wrong and asked if I'd be open to a 2nd date. I declined and never spoke to him again.
Those are just a couple examples of strange experiences I had with online dating but I've also had some great ones. I met up with a guy I met on Tinder for dinner in downtown Fort Lauderdale and we connected instantly. At that point I had never connected with someone so fast. It felt like I'd known him for years. I knew I liked him from our phone conversations but in person it was even better. He felt it too and we decided to hang out for the rest of the night and go dancing. Our chemistry was impeccable. We ended up dating unofficially for about a year. A few months after that ended I met another guy on Tinder. We both expressed we were only looking for friendship and met up for dinner. We connected immediately. During our first encounter I could feel that he was going to be in my life for a while. We hung out several times after that and became really great friends for about a year before he asked me to be his girlfriend. I know some people are hesitant when it comes to online dating so I want to share some pros and cons from my own experience of using the dating apps for a year and a half.
Cons: Honestly, I don't really have many cons. The main thing is that there is always a possibility of getting catfished. But this can be avoided by calling or facetiming the person prior to deciding whether or not you want to meet up with the person. You have the power to decide what you feel is best for you. Another con is that it is easy to fall for someone quickly when chatting online especially if you've been single for awhile. People are usually on their best behavior on the apps and some are really charming. I've had this happen before. I was talking to someone on the app for a couple months before meeting up and I felt myself really starting to like him a lot. He was a fireman and super attractive. To my dismay, he wasn't who I thought he was when we finally did meet and I never spoke to him again. After that experience, I vowed not to wait too long before meeting up someone.
Online dating is what you make it. I know there is stigma when it comes to online dating especially when it comes to apps that are known for people to find hookups like Tinder. Trust me when I say some of the best connections I've made was on Tinder. If you are looking for a hook up you will find it. If you are looking for friendship you will find it. If you are looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend you will find him/her. I've learned that it all depends on how you present yourself. It starts with what you put on your profile from the pictures you post on your profile, the way you describe yourself in the about me section, and the way you chat with the people you meet. You have to be intentional about what you want and state what you are looking for within the first conversation. If you find that you and a person are looking for different things then perhaps that is not someone to give your time to. You have the power. You set the pace. You choose who you decide to give your time to just like in any other social situation. In case you couldn't tell I'm an advocate for online dating and I think it's worth a try. I believe it is beneficial and can help you find whatever kind of relationship you are looking for. It may take some time but it is definitely possible.
Have you ever tried online dating? What apps have you tried? Have you had any success?
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