Loneliness is something I've struggled with on and off for the past 4 years of my life. When I first moved to SoFlo I would constantly call my mother and cry about my difficulty with making friends and connecting with people here in Florida. I live alone and wanted so badly to make friends. I didn't understand why it was so hard. I was putting myself out there, attending events, joining social groups, exchanging numbers with others, following up with them but it was getting me nowhere. I've lived in so many places and have never struggled with loneliness like I have since moving here. Yes, I met people but I didn't connect with them (definitely not from a lack of trying). Everything was mostly surface-level talk and didn't really deepen over time like I'd hope. Surfaced level relationships only go so far. Thankfully, I eventually started to connect with a few people. At times it was hard though because they had their own family and friends to lean on when they needed to. It also didn't help that most of the people I finally connected with moved out of state within a year of knowing them. So every year I've hung out with a different person/people for that very reason.
I remember my very first Thanksgiving in SoFlo I was so sad because I had nowhere to go and my mom was unable to come visit me. I was completely by myself. So I booked a flight for one of my closest friends to come and spend it with me because I refused to spend it alone. Since moving here Thanksgiving stresses me out. I recall two years ago when a guy I was involved with invited me to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family in Tampa but when the time came he was nowhere to be found. Luckily, my really great friend at the time came to the rescue on the day of and picked me up to spend Thanksgiving with him and his friends. Every Thanksgiving I spend here I feel panicked about spending it alone since flying elsewhere is not very cheap but I do it anyway to avoid being alone.
I'm positive there are others out there who have battled with feelings of loneliness. Feeling lonely at times is normal. However, it becomes concerning when it becomes a persistent feeling that starts to affect your daily living. At that point it is important to reach out and seek help before things get worse. I've found that there are different types of loneliness that I've experienced over the course of my adult life and I'm sure others can relate.
Situational Loneliness is what I described above. I moved far away from my family and friends and struggled with the changes in my life. I was in a new environment and had no support. I felt isolated and struggled to make friends. It eventually got better as I met a couple of people I finally connected with who I deem as close friends now.
Developmental Loneliness is the feeling that everyone is moving on in life and you are being left behind. This form of loneliness is common for those in their mid to late 20s. I remember feeling so much pressure a couple years ago because many of my friends were getting married, having kids, starting businesses, and appeared to be living these fabulous lives. I felt that I was so behind in life compared to some of my peers and had a lot of catching up to do. That is until I realized and acknowledged that I was in a completely different season of life than they were. I wasn't behind at all and I needed to stop comparing my progress in life to theirs. I chose a different route and continue to accomplish my goals and aspirations in life.
Internal Loneliness is when you feel lonely even though you have others around you. I experienced this a lot when I first moved here. I met quite a bit of people but never fully connected with them as I mentioned earlier. It was so rough to where even when we hung out it felt as though I was there by myself. We would be out to eat and they'd be on their phone and the conversation would be dry. There were other times I'd go to a potluck and be surrounded by many people, have small talk, but still felt completely alone.
Thankfully loneliness is not as much of a struggle for me as it once was. Part of that is due to a shift in mentality in accepting that this is how things are right now in this season of my life. I've grown so much and I am grateful for my experiences. I hope that those of you who are reading this and may be struggling with any form of loneliness reach out and try to find a community of people who will support you in whatever season of life you're in. Putting yourself out there is not always easy and it may take time and effort to find people you feel comfortable around and connected with but it is worth the try. If you are experiencing developmental loneliness just remember that comparison is the thief of joy. You are where you are meant to be in this season of your life and you will reach your goals in due time.
Which form of loneliness have you struggled with? What has helped you overcome your loneliness?
I remember my very first Thanksgiving in SoFlo I was so sad because I had nowhere to go and my mom was unable to come visit me. I was completely by myself. So I booked a flight for one of my closest friends to come and spend it with me because I refused to spend it alone. Since moving here Thanksgiving stresses me out. I recall two years ago when a guy I was involved with invited me to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family in Tampa but when the time came he was nowhere to be found. Luckily, my really great friend at the time came to the rescue on the day of and picked me up to spend Thanksgiving with him and his friends. Every Thanksgiving I spend here I feel panicked about spending it alone since flying elsewhere is not very cheap but I do it anyway to avoid being alone.
I'm positive there are others out there who have battled with feelings of loneliness. Feeling lonely at times is normal. However, it becomes concerning when it becomes a persistent feeling that starts to affect your daily living. At that point it is important to reach out and seek help before things get worse. I've found that there are different types of loneliness that I've experienced over the course of my adult life and I'm sure others can relate.
Situational Loneliness is what I described above. I moved far away from my family and friends and struggled with the changes in my life. I was in a new environment and had no support. I felt isolated and struggled to make friends. It eventually got better as I met a couple of people I finally connected with who I deem as close friends now.
Developmental Loneliness is the feeling that everyone is moving on in life and you are being left behind. This form of loneliness is common for those in their mid to late 20s. I remember feeling so much pressure a couple years ago because many of my friends were getting married, having kids, starting businesses, and appeared to be living these fabulous lives. I felt that I was so behind in life compared to some of my peers and had a lot of catching up to do. That is until I realized and acknowledged that I was in a completely different season of life than they were. I wasn't behind at all and I needed to stop comparing my progress in life to theirs. I chose a different route and continue to accomplish my goals and aspirations in life.
Internal Loneliness is when you feel lonely even though you have others around you. I experienced this a lot when I first moved here. I met quite a bit of people but never fully connected with them as I mentioned earlier. It was so rough to where even when we hung out it felt as though I was there by myself. We would be out to eat and they'd be on their phone and the conversation would be dry. There were other times I'd go to a potluck and be surrounded by many people, have small talk, but still felt completely alone.
Thankfully loneliness is not as much of a struggle for me as it once was. Part of that is due to a shift in mentality in accepting that this is how things are right now in this season of my life. I've grown so much and I am grateful for my experiences. I hope that those of you who are reading this and may be struggling with any form of loneliness reach out and try to find a community of people who will support you in whatever season of life you're in. Putting yourself out there is not always easy and it may take time and effort to find people you feel comfortable around and connected with but it is worth the try. If you are experiencing developmental loneliness just remember that comparison is the thief of joy. You are where you are meant to be in this season of your life and you will reach your goals in due time.
Which form of loneliness have you struggled with? What has helped you overcome your loneliness?
I find myself struggling with internal loneliness because it's hard to penetrate circles of people as an outsider. I have found myself channeling myself into goals and aspirations, that way my developmental aspect will compensate for the situational part. It is not a permanent solution, but I have found it to work as I figure out a way to deal with the issue
ReplyDeleteHi there! Thank you for reading and joining the conversation. I completely relate to what you've said. I've found that the older you get the more difficult it is to make friends in new environments. I think it's great that you are actively pursuing your goals and aspirations. I'm sure that helps some. Hopefully, soon you will find people you can connect with and eliminate the internal loneliness you struggle with.
Delete